DAY 1 – the beginning

In 30 days I will be 30.

I have been “writing” a blog for what seems like forever (3 years).  I have been “writing” this post for days now.   And by “writing”, I mean agonizing on whether or not to really go through with this thing.  I have feared posting a blog, feared putting things out there, feared what I might say and later regret.  And then I reminded myself:  I am doing the best that I can, with what I have, where I am.  Today marks 30 days to 30.  30 days to a new decade full of possibility. What better time to step it up and get real!?  After all, my new motto is: make shit happen.

So, here it is. The beginning…
a bit about me, Jessica Rosen:

I’m short – 5’ tall to be exact.  I look like I’m about 16 years old, and am often treated as such.  Drives me fucking crazy! I am a certified addiction counselor, yoga instructor, yoga therapist and high school teacher with an MA in Psychology.  I rushed through school, graduating at the age of 24 with no clue what I wanted to be “when I grew up”.  That seems to be a trend in my life – rushing to “get somewhere” and then rushing to the next thing.  {Note to self: turn that around in 30’s}  I am married.  My husband and I have been together on and off since high school – will be 12 years on Nov. 8th.  He has been sober for 4 years.  It’s been a rough ride, but in the end worth it.  We have a puppy named Patrick Bateman.  If you don’t get the name, you can’t be my friend (look it up!).   We live in Los Feliz (Los Angeles, CA for those unfamiliar), in our 5^th place since moving out here four years ago. Hopefully we actually stay in this one.   I love what I do, I love yoga, I live to serve and I serve to live.   I like grapes and my feet are always cold (I had to).

I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be - ever.  I want to do everything perfectly.  I have serious ADD.  My attention is mostly focused on getting in my own way.  I put so much pressure on myself I can’t function.  I am a writer that doesn’t write.  Writing makes me a bit crazy.  Things have to be perfect, commas in the right places, spelling accurate etc., and yet here I am - posting this blog with horrible grammar, and so far no major panic attack.  We’ll see what happens when I press the publish button.

I will write things I will regret.  I will say things I don’t mean.  I will contradict myself.  I will be a hypocrite. I will tell the truth.  I will make mistakes. I am not, and will never be, perfect.  I will say things I don’t mean.  I will give advice I shouldn’t give.  I will do all of this with the best of intentions and hope that you will stick around for the ride.

So by now you’re probably asking: why write a blog if it makes you so crazy?

I started this blog to take the leap into my 30’s with a bang! - to conquer my fears, to get honest and to begin to live the life of my dreams, not a life “survived” because I am too scared to live it.  I am writing this blog to explore the process of letting go of the past, setting up an awesome future full of joy, purpose and passion as I prepare to kill it this next decade. I am writing this blog because I know I can’t be alone in struggling through my 20’s wondering what the hell just happened and having no clue what this next decade may bring.  Because if I’m ever going to live my dreams (dreams coming soon to a blog post near you), I have to start writing again, and someone has to start reading it!   Most of all, because I have something to say, and maybe someone wants/needs to hear it.   Too altruistic?  Maybe, or maybe totally selfish.  I’m going to go with something in the middle.