day 7 – bad day

Struggling to find the words tonight.  I have 8 minutes until it is no longer day 7 and chances are this post won’t be up.  Fail.  Does it count if I haven’t gone to bed yet?

The day started off ok, busy (as always), but overall smooth sailing.  Then I entered the danger zone.  I started to surf the web – found some cool blogs, did a little reading… and that was the beginning of the end.  Looking at what others are doing brings on an onslaught of comparison, which turns into self-loathing and a strong sense of defeat.  The I’m not good enough’s started creeping in, along with the what the hell am I doing with myself's? and the you will never be as good as them's.  Fun times.

I recently attended a networking event for Young Female Entrepreneurs where a couple of brilliant women - Nailah Blades of polkadotcoaching.com and Donna Queza of marketing-optimist.com - shared their Five Not-So-Sparkly Truths of Entrepreneurship with the group.  As I was using myself as a punching bag, I was reminded of their talk and pulled up the info where I came across this gem:

Entrepreneurship is a hustle. It always has been and it will continue to be, even as you grow into a bigger, stronger female entrepreneur. As Danielle LaPorte famously said, “You’ll never fully arrive.” There will always be something that someone else is seemingly better at.  When you start getting into comparison mode STOP, and re-focus on the things you are knocking out of the park.

So I decided to focus on teaching - on leading the most kick ass, connected, real and wonderful class ever.  As I was teaching (Nue Yoga at Nue Studio) I heard myself saying the same shit I often do about letting go of what’s no longer serving us and choosing to be happy, focusing on what’s working etc.  Yet I was still feeling like shit.  As I was talking, I reminded myself of a great teaching from training a couple of weeks ago.  Get ready people, this one might blow your mind: it is ok to have a bad day.  I repeat: it is ok to have a bad day!  (Thanks Chrisy Marsden of Yoga Blend).

If I am constantly trying to fight feeling crappy I am ignoring the truth, stuffing it down somewhere and filling myself up with shit, which will eventually explode and that could be quite messy.  Sometimes we just have to sit in the shit – play around in it, get real stinky.  Sometimes that is the only way that things will get better.  In the end, it’s about feeling more happy and less crappy as my students say :)

So, I am having a crappy day.  There I said it.  Tomorrow will be a new one.  One where I can work on focusing on the things I am knocking out of the park and remembering that I AM ENOUGH!!!