When I first signed up for yoga teacher training, I was constantly second-guessing myself. I worried about not being "good enough" at yoga. I mean, I couldn't even do a headstand yet! Who was I to be a yoga teacher? Why would anyone want to take my yoga class if I couldn't even do a headstand?
Looking back, I realize I was talking to myself in a way that I would never talk to a friend - or anyone, for that matter!
I think a lot of this self-doubt was coming from my desire to find external validation. There's a lot of stereotypes swirling around in the yoga world these days and I don't exactly fit the bill for all of them. Arielle recently wrote a great post along these lines. When people found out I was doing yoga teacher training, they'd almost always say "wow you must be really good" or "wow so you can do headstands and stuff?"
This feedback coming in was fueling a fire of doubt.
I was recently reading a blog post I wrote about one of our early training sessions where we all shared our reasons for being there and also any fears/doubts we had. It was very reassuring to hear that everyone else had similar feelings.
I realized that in order to overcome these feelings of self-doubt, I had to stop searching around me for permission to go after what I want and allow myself to follow my heart. I stopped asking myself if I was "good enough" at yoga to become a teacher and looking outside of myself for the definition of "good." I started asking myself what it was that really drew me to teacher training in the first place.
I didn't sign up for teacher training to be "good enough." I didn't sign up for teacher training to do a headstand. I didn't sign up for teacher training to fit into size small yoga pants. And I most certainly didn't sign up for teacher training to impress others.
Yoga is not about any of that to me. Yoga is a constant process of learning about oneself, looking inward and then using that stability of inner peace to be completely present in the world around us. Yoga is about finding comfort in the uncomfortable places, finding balance between effort and ease, finding joy in the everyday.
Signing up for teacher training was my way of inviting all of this into my life. I wanted to learn and explore ideas. I wanted to grow and challenge myself physically and mentally. I wanted to be a part of a community with others who were on a similar journey.
These days, I'm teaching at One Down Dog 4 times a week and I'm still constantly learning and growing. Every class is different and there is something to learn from every experience. I'm so glad that I signed up for the teacher training because I proved to myself that I can face my fears and that those fears aren't even real. I get to be a part of a super fun community of yogis. And it just so happens, I did learn to do a headstand - and it's super fun!
See you on the mat!
Have you ever considered becoming a yoga teacher?
Do you want to deepen your yoga practice?
Curious about yoga philosophy, ayurveda, pranayama, etc?
Click here to learn more about the One Down Dog Yoga Teacher Training program.
Come check out one of our Teacher Training Info Sessions every Saturday at 12:30pm at the Silverlake Studio! We're here to answer all of your questions and chat about what you can expect from the experience.